When I started this blog, I had no idea that I would actually stick with it. By the grace of God, I have been able to post weekly (well, almost weekly :)), and it has been such an encouragement for me. I pray that it has been an encouragement to you, too. Thank you for all of your kind comments, support, and prayers for our time in France. It means more to me than you could possibly know.
I can’t believe it is only 5 days until Christmas! This season has been filled with such fun times with friends and joy in celebrating the coming of our Lord and savior. We have more fun times up ahead, so I won’t blog again until the new year! When thinking about what my last post of 2019 would be, I thought it would be a good idea to reflect on the year.
In December 2018, my mom told me she had heard some people talk about instead of choosing a New Years resolution, they chose a word that they wanted to define their year. For example, someone she knew chose “love” because they wanted to love God and others more that year. I loved this idea! I thought and prayed about what I wanted my word to be, and I decided upon “dependence.”
I remember going to a Casting Crowns Christmas concert last year, and the lead singer shared an awesome quote: “Jesus is not life support. He is life.” I realized that I simply came to Jesus when I felt like I needed him. I was convinced that I could take care of most things in my life by myself, but I could ask God for help when something really tough came up. Oh, how silly I am!!
2019 (the second half of senior year and the first half of our year in France) was a year of realizing how very much I need God in every single big event and small detail of my life. When I tried to do things on my own, I would leave frustrated. However, when I depended on Jesus, my desires lined up with his desires, and I had his perfect peace and joy.
Realizing that I needed God every hour, minute, and second pushed me to spend more time in his word and in prayer. I realized by lifting every request up to him, I was depending on him, acknowledging that I can’t do anything on my own. Spending time in his word allowed me to learn more about him. In learning how good he is and how bad I am, my desire to seek him every day grew.
In 2019, I also became more aware of how quick I am to take credit for things that I did not do on my own. I am powerless, but God is powerful. It is only through him that I am able to do anything: get a good grade on a test, do well in a band competition, go on a mission trip, or even breathe. It is only because of him that I am alive and able to do anything at all. He deserves every ounce of glory, and I struggle in my pride to give it to him. He is so very patient with me.
Anything that is good comes from God, and I spent 2019 trying to acknowledge that. It is only through Jesus that I am saved from my sins. It is only in him that “all creation holds together” (Colossians 1:17). It is only in him that I can find true purpose. I am in such dire need of him, and he deserves all of the glory.
I learned that depending on God is what’s best for me, and for everyone. Praise him that he loves us so much and gives us everything we need. Depending on him can still be a struggle, in my sinful desires, but praise him that he grows me to look more like him every day. I can’t do anything, but He can do everything.
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5
Apart from him, I can’t do anything. That is why I must depend on him completely.
I pray that 2020 will be year of more dependence on the Lord. I am also praying that the Lord would place a new word on my heart. I can’t wait to share it with you in the next post!
Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You